What are you afraid of?

image image image image

Images are not mine !!

From my journal August 7th , 201

These days all I do now I sit back and watch how some people let their fear hold them back..I have come to some amazing new realization that its true when they say ” you can’t teach an old dog new tricks ” and no matter how educated, intelligent , they keep repeating the old fear ..Don’t they know “Nobody gets out of here alive! ”
January 14, 2011 at 1:45am ( my notes)
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality.

You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
That’s what real love amounts to- letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act.


Persian New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL who celebrate Norooz ! I wrote this on the 21th of March 2015!

I wanted to be out in nature and be surrounded by the sea , the gulls and the salty air …I ordered a glamorous Pizza, brought in some firewoods and set out to the sea ! Yes I did put my blinders on because after all it is Spring but my garden is still underground with Ice and Snow..and then it began snowing even harder..But I’m tough girl , I mean for love sakes I surf and dive in this weather, then I suddenly got really homesick and thought of the ones I love who are far away ! My mom, my time in Iran almost two years ago around new year , the smell of the earth in Spring in Tehran , the aroma of the bazaar , the colorful sound of Haji Firooz and I thought of Aazan of Rashed ( prayers before Saleh Tahveel ( When winter turns into spring) and they blast it all over Iran ! In all my beloved father came to mind who used to blast it in our house where we sat for tea, Pastries and when we would open Hafiz to know our fortune by the poet..it was our tradition , my father was traditional man , not religious but traditional , he was like the father in “The Fiddler on The Roof ” ( one of his favorites) ..I thought of my sister and her husband , the adult kids of my sister ! This afternoon I ran into Royce’s ( my sweet cat ) hospital bills before he passed away..And then I broke down In my car and began to cry ! Just sat there for a few minutes, stared at the snowing sky and cried ! But continued ! I went to the sea and ask the sea to lift my spirit and It did ! I began shooting ..I talked to one of my favorite birds , The Gull..I asked to be strong like a gull ..then I thought of my favorite tree and I said , in this weather I would have ” snow falling on cedar ” like Kyoto ..I drove to my tree …and then in this small town I ran into George , lol ..The only car out in the snow ..he said ” what the hell are you doing here? ” I said ” well I have this tree I love , you are looking at it ” ..so we chatted and he saw the tree too..we took some pictures ..not to mention George is a fabulous photographer but not as fabulous as me !!!! Yes , it is cold and it snowed ..and yes , I’m fed up with it too..but I’m looking forward to have new year filled with newness ! I feel it!

I’m looking forward to have another quiet evening by the fire and eat a few slices of Pizza..I’m happy because simple is good!
PS : O , yeah I fell on my behind on Ice ( I’m fine ) ..

And I think the images are sweet for my ” time squared ” series..
George , BTW , that’s your car above the gull I just noticed !!!


From my journals May 4, 2012 at 1:35am

 What you may perceive as norm I don’t ! This is because every person has a unique set of life experiences that cause him/her to pay attention to things in his/her own way!


Truth is a complex subject to explore, capture, and define. Continually we are faced with the question, what is truth and what is fiction. Truth serves a role in every day life, there is a skewed sense of truth in history and it is depicted as a major controlling factor in the movie, Rashomon. The idea of truth is all around us but can we really perceive what is accurate.

The Rashomon Effect is the phenomenon by which observers of an event can produce very different but entirely plausible accounts of what happened. This is because every person has a unique set of life experiences that cause him to pay attention to things in his own way. Physical position and personal relationship to the event, as well as psychological makeup, determine how a person will perceive it. This is one reason why eyewitness testimony can be so unreliable.

Its like poem! Your mind is making up these truths , your truth and that included all the trials and testimony!

Leica 17 162 copy

Tennessee Williams!

( From my journals Dec.19th 2012 , Keywest )

I don’t consider myself a writer..But I’m poetic enough and have balls of fire to think I can write as I feel . Tonight, passed by Tennessee Williams house here in KeyWest.. I will leave you with this quote then off for a swim and perhaps coming back to my blog ..

” If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it. ”

Tennessee Williams


Tennesse Williams house, KeyWest

Believing in law of Attraction , I looked for the house ! Unknown to many unless Williams hard core fans ! In a twisted fate I got invited in by the current owners and later bought his ashtrays ..

I took this shot of T. Williams at his house ( KeyWest) , where he lived for nearly 30 years ..It was a photo taken from the original print found in a box in the closet . The shot is taken in the yard and I was told he was chatting with Elizabeth Taylor whom he adored mad !


” The strongest influences in my life and my work are always whomever I love. Whomever I love and am with most of the time, or whomever I remember most vividly. I think that’s true of everyone, don’t you? ”
Tennessee Williams

Life in THE butter scene! “Last Tango in Paris “

I originally wrote this with the movie ” Fifty Shades of Grey ” in mind! But it seems in my current thoughts this is turning into a blog on the ” Last Tango in Paris “. I need to mention since I have not seen the movie nor read the book ( FSG) then my apologies up front to the fans of  the ” Last Tango in Paris “, to put the two in the same content! I think LSP  is a masterpiece!

Bernardo Bertolucci’s Last Tango in Paris (1972) revolves around the spontaneous sexual chemistry between a bitter middle-aged American widower and a naive French girl about to be married. They are drawn into an entirely physical relationship, some of it involving butter, after a chance meeting in an empty Paris apartment. They know nothing about each other, not even their names. The man was played by one of the most famous and admired actors in the world, Marlon Brando. The woman, Maria Schneider, was completely unknown. For better or worse, it was the role with which Schneider, who has died of cancer aged 58, would always be associated.


Here is what I wrote this morning:

Good morning ! I Read a blog this morning by my friend writer and blogger Laura Marjorie Miller about the movie ” Fifty Shades of Grey ” ! Her post is enchanting and it made me think ! I’m glad she has observed that women are more interested in this movie and book than men are !


One of my very favourite top five movies is “Last tango in Paris “.  Indeed due to my age I didn’t see it when it came out but I know it made this big splash in the 70’s. Since then I have watched it 29 times and own it!

I’m in love with Bernardo Bertolucci ( brilliant ) ! Grimaldi , Stroraro ( cinematographer ) , Marlon Brando..  Brando confessed in his autobiography, “To this day I can’t say what Last Tango In Paris was about” and added the film “required me to do a lot of emotional arm wrestling with myself, and when it was finished, I decided that I wasn’t ever again going to destroy myself emotionally to make a movie. I felt I had violated my innermost self and I didn’t want to suffer like that anymore … You can’t fake it.”


And of course my uncanny resemblance with Maria Schneider, then  ! I have been told and a few times I was stopped by strangers in Paris . I used to have hair exactly as Jeanne in the movie! Sadly Schneider has passed away due to the complication of Cancer -1952-2011..According to the critic Roger Ebert: “Maria Schneider doesn’t seem to act her role so much as to exude it. On the basis of this movie, indeed, it’s impossible to really say whether she can act or not. That’s not her fault. Bertolucci directs her that way. He wants a character who ultimately does not quite understand the situation she finds herself in.”


AND my favourite soundtrack of all time with Gato Barbieri ( One of my favorite jazz tenor and saxophonist from Argentina ) ..This sound ALWAYS brings me into tears! it always reminds of the sorrow of Brando in the movie!

To this day , I feel most people didn’t GET the movie! The movie to me is not about erotic sex ! To me the movie is not about the butter scene! But the sadness and loneliness of the character of M. Brando, a middle aged man avoiding love but being entangled with a full stranger erotically trying to avoid love, then falling in love and being deceived by death twice ! To me LTIP is about love , loss , loneliness , doubts , finding love , loosing love, deceive..


The review, which ran for 3,500 words over several pages, had the desired effect for Last Tango In Paris! Everyone was talking about Last Tango in Paris: There was a photo spread of Brando and Schneider at carnal play – her naked, him not so much – in Playboy magazine, both Time and Newsweek ran cover stories on the film and, in an unprecedented marketing ploy, United Artists ran Kael’s entire review in a two-page ad in The New York Times. By the time January rolled around, with the movie finally scheduled to meet the public (it would open a month later in the rest of the United States and Canada), you were more likely to find someone who admitted to supporting Richard Nixon than who hadn’t heard of Last Tango.

“And the sex? Good question. Possibly the least interesting thing about Last Tango today is what made it so shocking once upon a time, which says a lot about how quickly sexual controversy expires compared to any other form of outrage. Today’s eye will spot the simulated nature of the various acts way more quickly than back then, when persistent rumours flew that they were really doing it.”

But I thought the mainstream is over the butter scene!!!!?

Last Tango 4

Anyway back to my thoughts and why I began this blog !? My question was why women are more interested to see Fifty Shades of Grey which made $30 million , opening night..And Again I have not read or seen it yet as of yet..I have a problem with the cast. The main characters don’t cut it for me but maybe Netflix it later.. I find them both , boring! There don’t have umph!

Thanks Laura . Your blog intrigued me to think it !

The only reason I compare the two, it was the mistaken Erotica in LTIP and the erotically bored society ! And the ones who are still seeing butter as butter!