I wrote this on Dec -1 , 2013

Before I end the evening on Facebook I wanted to share something . I just read a post about this person who has changed her life after 20 years of living in a rotten situation. A new life , new happiness! Isn’t that’s wonderful ! Then I read that Paul Walker has died . I must admit I have never seen a movie with him except every time I saw his picture I thought what a good-looking man 40 years old and now dead in a car crash ! Want to know what is one of the biggest sorrows of this world? Is the fact most of the population live either in the past or in the future . Do you know what this really means? It means most people are betraying the present moment of their lives..What a shame not to live in the present moment of this life ! Do you know how much you miss ? You miss all the pleasure of living now in the bottom of the past that is gone and on the surface of the future that is not promised..
At times it feels like a sociopathic society ….Live now , it’s YOUR choice as an adult !

Art lovers !

For some of you art lovers and collectors a few years ago I landed on some amazing original museum prints. The photographs are indeed rare. I still haven’t a clue who the photographers were, will not find out , wont have the time . The images are truly iconic of some of the artist I like , one I know in person , Peter Beard and one who I admire for his work of making clothes, Azzedine Alaia..Grace Jones..Marianne Faithful…





Royce ! I wrote this in 02/03/11


Is it true? Royce is gone..And I’m sad.. He died in my arms!

Well , it seems most everything that I have written from the beginning  of this Blog ..it’s been about pain!  I lost a very close friend the first week of January and now this …

I don’t know when I realized that I have this great special bonding with animals. It is perhaps the very reason why the Creator has brought me to Jane Goodall and over the years I have worked and gotten to know her ..

When I first met Jane and I heard her stories about the worms in the yard..It reminded to my own stories of crickets , worms , grass-hoppers and Frogs….I remember I used to love them and I was curious to learn about these little creatures..My love for animals was immense !

My dad used to take me to the Zoo !  We used to sit and watch the animals for hours !  We were both so fascinated with the grace of some and the sloppiness of others.

Your yard had become a zoo by itself.

You see , my father was an amazing Physician . He had a special practice on the side where about three days of week he would donate time and care for poor .  His residency was in a Town up North of Iran called Sarab ( Azerbaijan ) .  Many times since these poor people didn’t have money they would bring us fruits especially Dates , fabric , Soccer Balls .. And indeed Live animals.

Over the years we had received roosters , chickens  , a mink …and the most beloved one a Gazelle ..and yes they always ran around in our Yard in the big city of Tehran!

And Cats in this yard , plenty!

I became especially very close to one . The KING of the Cats and his name Bahram Khan !  A name my dad gave him ..and the Neighbours would call him the same ..He was tall , strong, piercing eyes , strong paws , incredibly intelligent and  walked as if he was The ONLY one !  He was the Silver Back of all cats~!

He was very close to me..I would make sure he gets the best of the best so he can produce more.. I need to remind Westerners of something VERY special about Iranians..In Iran cats do roam around. If you have visited Istanbul ..somehow very similar ..

So Bahram Khan  had many babies…He understood my vocabulary..and lived until the age of 21 !

Each time I visited Tehran , Cats would appear right and left in our backyard ! As if cat woman has arrived.

So indeed I love all animals..

Two days ago I put my cat , Royce to sleep ..The sorrow came to me and it was massive .. A friend said : ” it is time to have a baby ..Banafsheh ! ” ..I didn’t stop her ..It was the way she thought she could help.

But it had never been about having a human baby or not ..My sorrow is about Royce , he died of Kidney Failure. My sorrow is about loosing an amazing creature that came to MY LIFE not just accidentally but for its own reasons . He came to give me love and receiving love . He came to this world for a purpose , just like all of us!

He came to this world to end up in my life ..and he brought me love and joy !  When I made THAT decision  to put him to rest forever, I thought I  Would not leave the room of the Hospital alive..that’s how painful was the Pain! It was like I was five years old again , when each Gold fish died , I would be in pain and I would put it in a special napkin , smudged by Rose water and I had a special ceremony in the Yard..

Everybody is a cherished soul ..and yes , the cat is also a celebrated creature  , a cherished soul , an important member of my family  . Royce will always be my boy.

My boy who gave me love and understood as much to make sure he had received my love !

Royce was highly intelligent , gentle and flirted with the entire world..and he had an amazing vocabulary!

Royce choose to love me..Perhaps in his strong intuition he  knew I will be the one ..Their intuition is usually stronger than us..since we intellectualize most of our intuition and with that , we fail!

I have another loving boy here …sleeping on the couch ! He looked for Royce ..was Meowing around..I will care for him.. I believe Royce was his daddy.. His name is Flutie!

Open your heart to love and accept the pain that will come with it ..

Go there , adopt an animal in need , before they are put to sleep..they want to come home to someone who loves and cares for them ..AND yes, believe me some would need care , some may urinate around , some may defecate on your very expansive counter-top or your Ferre hat ..But believe me , believe me ..it is all worth it ..because you will discover something within yourself ..that no child , no human family can give THAT! It is a different kind of love ..open your heart and adopt a Cat or a Dog !  But make sure you are there as best as possible.

I hope my friend who passed away who also love Cats and Royce are somewhere together watching over me…

“ Royce , all shall be fine ..you gave me an amazing life coming from some cold , freezing days under some bridge in Cambridge …

I love you and you are always your own space in this heart of mine!


Vaguely lit by the summer moon, Erect, naked, dreaming in her pallor of gold

Streaked by the heavy wave of her  blue hair,In the shadowy glade whenre stars spring in the moss,

The Dryade gazes up at the silent sky…- White Selene, timidly, lets her veil float,Over the feet of beautiful Endymion,And throws him a kiss in a pale beam…-

The Spring sobs far off in a long ecstasy.. is the nymph who dreams with one elbow on her urn, Of the handsome white stripling her wave has pressed against.-

A soft wind of love has passed in the night,And in the sacred woods, amid the standing hair of the great trees,Erect in majesty, the shadowly Marbles,The Gods, on whose brows the Bullfinch has his nest,- the Gods listen to Men, and to the infinite World!

Arthur Rimbaud May 70

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I know Love and I know hate ..is in between I freeze to death..

 You came to me this morning

And you handled me like meat.

You´d have to be a man to know

How good that feels, how sweet

My mirror twin, my next of kin,

I´d know you in my sleep.

And who but you would take me in

A thousand kisses deep?


I love you when you open

Like a lily to the heat.

I´m just another snowman

Standing in the rain and sleet,

Who love you with his frozen love

His second-hand physique –

With all he is, and all he was

A thousand kisses deep.


All soaked in sex, and pressed against

The limits of the sea:I saw there were no oceans left

For scavengers like me.

We made it to the forward deck

I blessed our remnant fleet -And then consented to be wrecked

A thousand kisses deep.


I know you had to lie to me, I know you had to cheat.

But the Means no longer guarantee

The Virtue in Deceit.That truth is bent, that beauty spent,That style is obsolete -Ever since the Holy Spirit went

A thousand kisses deep.


So what about this Inner Light

That´s boundless and unique?

I´m slouching through another night

A thousand kisses deep.



I tried to quit

Hey, I´m lazy and I´m weak.

But sometimes when the night is slow,

The wretched and the meek,We gather up our hearts and go

A thousand kisses deep.


And fragrant is the thought of you,

The file on you complete -Except what we forgot to do

A thousand kisses deep.


And summoned now to deal

With your invincible defeat,

You live your life as if it´s real

A thousand kisses deep.



And I´m still working with the wine,Still dancing cheek to cheek.

The band is playing “Auld Lang Syne” –

The heart will not retreat.And maybe I had miles to drive,

And promises to keep -You ditch it all to stay alive

A thousand kisses deep.


And now you are the Angel Death

And now the Paraclete

And now you are the Savior’s Breath

And now the Belsen heap

.No turning from the threat of love,No transcendental leap –

As witnessed here in time and blood

A thousand kisses deep.

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Its already April’s rain!

if you knew of rain

its sound when it knocks

its aroma on the desert sand

its color on every green yellow leaf


if you knew of rain

its gray

its blue

its blank


If you knew of rain

its flacons on every moss

its drops on every broken glass

its touch with a palm of a hand


if you knew of rain..

when it fills every river

when it makes a road dark shined

when it makes a roof a recital of unspoken words


Of its Thickened Fog


if you ever knew of Rain!